Okay, okay, so already I can feel the super woke crowd turning in their gender non-binary, britches. (Pretending for a second that this site actually has an audience) ‘First world, white male problems!’ This is what they will scream and shout, mocking me relentlessly, hurting my feelings, and making me sad. 😦
Whatever, it has to be said. I took a three week sabbatical from my “normal life” to drive down from Delaware to Florida, all in an attempt to become certified to work as a Wind Turbine Technician (More on that later), but this blog isn’t about that.
It is about the fact that because the school I went to was expensive as hell, and because I don’t have an endless supply of cash that I can shake around, I stayed in every shithole hotel from Wilson, North Carolina, (Where the cops just happened to respond to a domestic abuse case the one night I was there. Charming) to a place in Orlando, where the roaches ran more wild than Disney family vacation Mom’s, at an open wine bar. And you know what? I was happy to do it! Shitty motels make no qualms about what they are, we have a tacit, unsaid arraignment with them. You are there for a place you can rest your head overnight, but once the morning begins, get the fuck on with your day somewhere else. That’s more than good with me!
And do you know what those shitty motels always have? Free internet and free parking. Every. Single. Time!
Now, do you want to hear some lunacy? No bro, that was more of a rhetorical question, we are moving on. Here’s the thing. The second you go to a nice hotel, these industry titans I think instantly see you as a mark. ‘Hey look at that! Johnny Richdouchenozzle wants to pay $100 extra just so he can tell his wife that he is staying in the “reputable” part of town. This asshole must be flush with cash, how else can we get him?’
And get us they do. I am currently staying Raleigh Marriott City Center. This is the first time I am paying over $120 a night for a hotel, and to be honest with you, it is a nice place. There is marble flooring when you come in. There is a person at the front desk who actually addresses you as ‘Sir,’ which is dulcet for someone like me who certainly does not look like a ‘Sir.’ There is also an excellent gym.
And yet none of these things make up for the fact that if you want internet, it not only is NOT complimentary, but over $11 a day. $11 for daily internet in 2021? That is madhouse, fucking lunacy! That would be like Sony Pictures telling users that they could download any movie for $35 bucks, when Netflix costs less than that, alone per month.
But going back to it, let’s get this straight. I am paying much more for this place than my past shitty motels, and as a reward for spending so opulently with them, these guys actually found a way to tack on a charge for something that is normally complimentary.
I mean in a sick way, I have to laud them for the sheer audacity of this capitalist, power-play. Places like this get away with it, and suckers like me still pay more to go. (Never again!) It would be like people rushing to have the pleasure of going to that five-star French restaurant, where you cook the food, and also pay for the ingredients.
Who knew that living like a broke motherfucker was actually easier, and that “the man,” actually does more to rock you off the ledge, when you try spending like you have something. But I ask, when is the 1% going to fight back at this hotel absurdity!? For is this not a hill worth falling on?! Is this not just as important as making sure the Capital Gains Tax is not raised? When are our silk-stocking betters going to actually grow some balls, and get their old crusty asses in gear, to make some noise over this?
Parking here is also $15 to stay overnight.
Fuck this shit.
The True Pariah 